Over the last 8+ months, my life has COMPLETELY flipped. Literally- one day all of a sudden God picked me up by my foot and I suddenly was jolted upside down. My arms are hanging down toward the ground. Everything in my pockets came falling out and dropped to the floor. And here I am, looking dumbfounded.
May 5th, 2013 our lives changed forever. I knew that my life wouldn't be the same after this day- but had no idea to what extent. Yup. Things changed alright. Mindset changed. Sleep changed (or just went away). If you haven't figured out yet what happened- my WHOLE life changed. We had a baby.
It was amazing. The love that we have for this child is unreal. He is seriously amazing. Both Luke and I cannot get enough of him! It is great being a parent to our J, but as much as I am in love with being a mom, it was a huge adjustment for me.
My attention focus shifted from what our "wants" were, to my needs being thrown out the window of a 100 story building and then shattering at the bottom. No matter how much of a selfless person that you are, you will still be devastated when everyone's attention (aka the ones that fill your "needs" tank the most) drastically switches from the cute, puffy pregnant lady, to a beautiful baby. It's just the honest truth people.
At the time: I had family and friends support. I wasn't attending a single church but still had so many individuals that offered meals, bought outfits, and came to watch J so I could shower and nap. (The two most precious things now). I felt so blessed by these people, their help was outstanding and was much needed. But I still felt so empty inside.
Do any other mother's resignate with what I am saying?? Seriously- I know I am not alone on this!
BUT in the mist of these lost feelings and desperation to just rest, CHRIST reaches in and sustained me. He reminded me, in the deepest darkest times of those first months, you have to take it day by day. Hour by hour. Sometimes, minute to minute of just hanging in there and doing what you need to do. Your "doing" changes. Before, you "do" dishes, work, cook, think about what to wear, where to go, how I should do my hair and if I should get out of bed or sleep another hour on a day off... Those were the days! Now I consider it an accomplishment if I can brush my teeth before noon, remember to let the dog out, and get the baby out of PJ's that day. Oh how things change! But you know what? As much as it pains perfectionists to give it up- you gotta let things go! It's essential to let go of the expectation that you will have your life put back together again. You won't. Well- it doesn't look anywhere near in my future anyway! But I'm okay with that!
I have learned to be content with my life as long as these few things are done:
- I ask God to guide me and give me peace daily
- I get the baby fed and diaper changed
- I remember that my husband is my best friend and not a dart board ;) and keep trusting that he will catch on to the extent of sacrifice I made- someday!
To new moms, when you feel like you are drowning and all hope is lost- please reach out and ask for help! Know that you are not alone!! What you are feeling, most moms have gone through! You are not alone! God has given you such a beautiful gift, embrace it, which I know you will- but remember, to reach out for peace and wisdom from HIM.
Love you ladies! Welcome into such a wonderful thing called being a mother :)
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